But as of yesterday…. I’m back on track =)

All I can say to you, is be there for her if YOU can. If it upsets you too much, you may have to back off. But every decision she makes she will make whether or not you say anything. If she says ANYTHING about leaving him, that is your opportunity to strongly support her. But it sounds like she needs someone to be there for her through this, and you would be a good friend to do so. Although I know from experience, that sometimes having a friend like that in our lives can affect our own life, and we have to make the decision on how much we can be there. Good luck to you and your friend. I feel sad for her.

It sucks.

Unfortunately, just like any other bad situation, the person involved has to hit rock bottom. For me, fortunately, I was aware it was rock bottom, and I took action. Some womens’ rock bottom, I’m afraid, is irreversible and causes permanent damage, so if she starts showing signs of physical abuse or self-abuse, someone else needs to be able to step in and put a stop to it and get her help.

Keep an eye on her. Ask her often if there’s something you can do to help. A lot of women stay in these marriages because they feel they have nowhere else to go, no money, no options. The relationship, as bad as it sucks, it more comfortable than being penniless and homeless.

The Difo mantra works with her, too – “The pain of staying the same has to be worse than the pain of changing.”

I know you know all this, but my point is that her relationship doesn’t make logical sense–you’ll never understand why she stays.

But it IS well within your right to ask.

It is well within your right to acknowledge the fact that he treats her like crap and tell her so.

It is completely well within your rights to let her know that you don’t view her as the same person anymore.

Her answer? She’ll probably tell you that she’s married now, she’s a different person, of course she’s changed. Or “things aren’t as bad as I make them seem sometimes.”

But at least the bug will be in her ear.

I would have been really hurt (in hindsight) if none of my friends had ever tried to help me when I was in that situation.

That ended, but the repercussions of the relationship were losing my friends. I tired to fix it. I swallowed every bit of pride and sadness and begged for their compassion and company- just anything they were willing to give me. But it wasn’t very much. I think we all grew apart. I’m no longer in the ‘group’. But i think i never really was. THe last time i talked to her, was in response to an angry e-mail. She told me how terrible of a friend/person i was. Maybe i am. I responded telling her that i really miss her all the time, and that i hope she’s happy and stays that way. That was really hard to do- i wanted to call out her DB DH, but i didn’t cause it would have been taken as me defending myself.

But i still lover her. All of them. Everyday i think about them. But- we are all different people now. Or maybe just i am. I try to explain myself, my life- but it is misinterpreted and not understood. And each argument makes me want to change so i can fit in.

I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out what to do.

Sometimes people’s pain comes out sideways, and they try to drive away the people they need most.